My What Big Eyes, Teeth and Claws

"The Mom" song, sung to the William Tell Overture, by Anita Renfroe. What a mom says in 24 hours, condensed into 2 minutes and 55 seconds! Hilarious and talented! Lyrics for "The Mom Song" is given below. "The Mom Song" Get up now Get up now Get up out of bed Wash your face Brush your teeth Comb your sleepyhead Here's your clothes and your shoes Hear the words I said Get up now! Get up and make your bed Are you hot? Are you cold? Are you wearing that? Where's your books and your lunch and your homework at? Grab your coat and gloves and your scarf and hat Don't forget! You gotta feed the cat Eat your breakfast, the experts tell us it's the most important meal of all Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at 3 today Don't forget your piano lesson is this afternoon so you must play Don't shovel Chew slowly But hurry The bus is here Be careful Come back here Did you wash behind your ears? Play outside, don't play rough, will you just play fair? Be polite, make a friend, don't forget to share Work it out, wait your turn, never take a dare Get along! Don't make me come down there Clean your room, fold your clothes, put your stuff away Make your bed, do it now, do we have all day? Were you born in a barn? Would you like some hay? Can you even hear a word I say? Answer the phone! Get off the phone! Don't sit so close, turn it down, no texting at the table No more computer time tonight! Your iPod's my iPod if you don't listen up Where are you going and with whom and what time do you think you're coming home? Saying thank you, please, excuse me makes you welcome everywhere you roam You'll appreciate my wisdom someday when you're older and you're grown Can't wait till you have a couple little children of your own You'll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly But right now I thank you not to roll your eyes at me Close your mouth when you chew, would appreciate Take a bite maybe two of the stuff you hate Use your fork, do not burp or I'll set you straight Eat the food I put upon your plate Get an A, get the door, don't get smart with me Get a grip, get in here, I'll count to three Get a job, get a life, get a PHD Get a dose of, "I don't care who started it! You're grounded until you're 36" Get your story straight and tell the truth for once, for heaven's sake And if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump, too? If I've said it once, I've said at least a thousand times before That you're too old to act this way It must be your father's DNA Look at me when I am talking Stand up straighter when you walk A place for everything and everything must be in place Stop crying or I'll give you something real to cry about Oh! Brush your teeth, wash your face, put your PJs on Get in bed, get up here, say a prayer with mom Don't forget, I love you And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom's work never ends You don't need the reason why Because, because, because, because I said so, I said so, I said so, I said so I'm the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom!! Ta da!!! Taked from youtube! http://www.youtube.com/

11. Obesity exacts a higher toll on health and healthcare costs than either smoking or drinking because obesity-related problems are near epidemic level. Smoking and drinking are also responsible for some serious health problems, but active smoking leads to a more modest 20-percent increase in healthcare costs and 30-percent rise in medication costs. Obesity, on the other hand, is linked to a range of chronic conditions, which _______________. Some significant causes of the growing obesity problem are more hours in front of the TV, less physical activity, and a car-obsessed culture. (a) require less serious medical care (b) are associated with heavy smoking (c) have to do with the consumption of vegetables and fats (d) have a large impact on healthcare costs 12. Hunger, hostile Indians, and disease took many lives in the early years of settlement before the settlers learned to cope with their new environment. At one point ______________. Much trouble arose from the organization and aims of the enterprise. Anxious for quick profit from gold or a northwest passage, the settlers were slow to settle down to the mundane agricultural labor necessary for the colony to sustain itself. The reluctance arose partly from the fact that all the original settlers were employees of the company and their labor was controlled under military discipline by an autocratic governor. (a) the colony was almost abandoned (b) the company made an effort recruit immigrants (c) the disaster so discredited the company that the King revoked its charter (d) the Virginia environment produced enslavement 13. Combining elements to from a compound is very different from just mixing them together. While in compounds, atoms of different elements bond in a chemical reaction, mixtures are mere combinations of different elements or compounds. Sea water, for instance, is a mixture of water with other compounds, such as salt. A compound, such as iron sulphide, is very different from its elements, but a mixture keeps the properties of the substance it contains. Unlike compounds, no chemical reaction takes place when the elements or compounds mix together. This means that ______________. (a) the elements can be arranged to make different compounds (b) they can be used to build chemical structures (c) it is usually possible to separate mixtures into their different parts (d) there are compounds and mixtures everywhere in big cities 14. Good historians deal with currents and crosscurrents as they build pictures of the past. Good lawyers are zealous advocates in service of a cause (with the desirable result always set se ante), and to that end, they seize upon data favorable to their argument, exaggerate its importance, and extrapolate the conclusions they seek from the distorted picture they have created. Given this reality, it is not surprising that good lawyers often make ________________-or that when lawyers use history to make arguments, they often use it one-sidedly. (a) bad historians (b) zealous lawyers (c) favorable arguers (d) unconvincing exaggerators 15. According to a study of 150 patients who had experienced a heart attack, those who took a four month course of antibiotic clarithromycin were 40% less likely to have another cardiovascular event during the next two years than patients who received an inactive (placebo) pill. Antibiotics seem to be a beneficial option for patients with coronary heart disease. However, one potential problem with using antibiotics to treat heart attack patients is that such widespread use of the drugs could increase the rate at which bacteria become resistant to antibiotics. ____________, if antibiotics were to be used to treat heart attacks in large number of people, it would be better to limit the use to one certain group of antibiotics. This is because widespread use of several different kinds of antibiotics could lead to more antibiotic resistance. (a) In contrast (b) Hence (c) For instance (d) In addition 16. Far from being in a "crisis" condition, Japan remains one of the world's wealthiest countries, with its standard of living among the world's highest. ___________ sales of luxury goods such as Burberry, Gucci and Channel continue to be strong. Japan's high comfort level is a legacy of the 1970s and 1980s, when its economy was the wonder of the world, recording the highest annual growth among all developed countries. The explanation of Japan's economic miracle was the subject of many policy and academic debates. (a) Nevertheless (b) Instead (c) After (d) For example 17. With the popularization of the concept of calorie counting, physical features once regarded as natural―such as shape and body weight―were designated as objects of conscious control. The notion of weight control through the restriction of calories implied that being overweight resulted solely from lack of control; to be a fat woman constituted a failure of personal morality. Q. What is the main idea of this passage? (a) Physical features have a lot to do with the mind. (b) Dieting is a matter of reducing calories. (c) Women do not have to reduce their body weight. (d) Appetite control is an issue of personal morality. 18. Advertisers use many methods to get us to buy their products. One of their most successful methods is to make us feel dissatisfied with ourselves and our imperfect lives. Advertisements show us who we aren't and what we don't have. Our teeth aren't white enough. Our hair isn't shiny enough. Our clothes aren't clean enough. Advertisements make us afraid that people won't like us if we don't use the advertised products. " Why don't I have any dates?" a good-looking girl sadly asks in a commercial. "Here," replies her roommate, " Try Miracle Toothpaste!" Of course she tries it, and immediately the whole football team falls in love with her. "That's a stupid commercial," we might say. But we still buy Miracle Toothpaste out of fear of being unpopular and having no friends. Q. Which of the following best summarizes the passage? (a) how we look to others is really important. (b) Advertisements achieve their goal by making us feel unhappy. (c) Advertisements help us to be happy by purchasing their goods. (d) We should keep our teeth healthy by using "Miracle Toothpaste." 19. Almost everyone agrees that children in mother-only homes suffer harmful consequences: these youngsters are more likely than those in two-parent families to be suspended from abuse, and take drugs. Some of there problems may arise from the economic circumstances of these one-parent families, but the best studies show that low income can explain, at most, about half of the differences between single-parent and two-parent families. The rest is explained by a mother living without a husband. Q. According to this passage, which of the following may be correct? (a) Children in mother-only homes are more likely to become juvenile delinquents. (b) Single mothers take better care of their children than single fathers. (c) Most of the problems in children of single-parent families are caused by poverty. (d) The problems of single-mother children are not related to their economic circumstances. 20. Let me suggest that beneath the popular support for marriage there has slowly developed, almost unnoticed, a subversion of it: whereas marriage was once thought to be about a social union, it is now about personal preferences. At one time law and opinion enforced the desirability of marriage with inquiring into what went on in that union; today law and opinion enforce the desirability of individual happiness without worrying too much about maintaining a formal relationship. Marriage was once a sacrament, then it become a contract, and now it is an arrangement. Once religion provided the sacrament, then the law enforced the contract, and now personal preferences define the arrangement. Q. According to this passage, how can define marriage at the present time? (a) As sacred obligation (b) An association of two individuals (c) A social contract (d) A cultural heritage 21. Why should a culture that is so powerfully shaped by upper-middle-class beliefs have so profound an effect on poor people? I suspect that the answer may be found in Myron Magnet's book, The Dream and the Nightmare. When the haves remake a culture, the people who pay the price are the have-nots. Heroin and cocaine use started among elites and then spread down the social scale. When the elites wanted to stop, they could hire doctors and therapists; when the poor wanted to stop, they could not hire anybody. People who practiced contraception endorsed loose sexuality in writing and movies; the poor practice loose sexually without contraception. Divorce is more common among the affluent than the poor. The latter, who can't afford divorce, deal with unhappy marriages by not getting married in the first place. Q. What is the best title for the passage? (a) The Decline of Marriage (b) The Legacy of Poverty (c) The Making of Culture (d) How the Rich can Influence the Poor 22. In terms of sheer economic impact, the single most important, dynamic, defining technological innovation in America hasn't been the silicon chip; it's the relentless promotional promise of "everyday low prices." Sure, Microsoft, Intel, Cisco and Dell may be terrific companies, but the true corporate leader driving productivity improvement over the past decade has been Wal-Mart. The reason is simple. Wal-Mart is by far the commercial world's most influential purchaser and implementer of software and systems. Microsoft and Cisco may set technical standards; Wal-Mart sets business process standards. When Wal-Mart, which is bigger than Sears, Kmart and J.C. Penney combined-wants global suppliers like Procter and Gamble or GE or Pfizer to comply with its inventory software and data networks, they do so or else "everyday low prices" don't come cheap. Q. According to this passage, what brought forth a revolution in economic productivity? (a) Corporate IT departments (b) The latest Windows upgrade (c) A faster microprocessor from Intel (d) Wal-Mart's ongoing infrastructure innovation 23. At Sotheby's contemporary art auction in London last June, prices were high and house records were broken. The highlight of the evening was Lot 17, a pink acrylic-and-silk-screen print called Little Electric Chair by Andy Warhol. Sotheby's main saleroom on New Bond Street was standing-room-only that evening. When the bidding for Little Electric Chair began, it was heavy and furious, but when the bids climbed above the $1.5 million mark, the room fell silent. The three remaining bidders―none present and all anonymous―relayed their bids via representatives on cell phones. The sale catalogue lists estimate for Little Electric Chair at $430,000 to $575,000. When Henry Wyndham, Chairman of Sotheby's Europe, brought down the gavel, the room broke into applause. Little Electric Chair had sold for $2.3 million. The pink Little Electric Chair―an iconic image from Warhol's 'Disaster" series, which also includes car crashes and race riots―is considered one of the higher-quality prints in the series, and the subject matter―capital punishment―is timely. Still, $2.3 million, four times the high estimate, was unheard of for a small (22-by-28-inch), early Warhol print. Q. Which of the following can be inferred from this passage? (a) No one thought Little Electric Chair would sell so well. (b) The subject matter of electric chairs was considered disreputable. (c) Warhol has become the hottest commodity on the contemporary art market. (d) The bidders for Little Electric Chair were all furious. 24. The reason beauty may be making a strong comeback here in the United State, says Herz, is "America is the most pluralist country in the world. No other place has so many kinds of different people living next to each other. Far from being an empire in descent, we have a tremendous head start because we are so used to living among different people, while still feeling like part of the same thing. That's what we're trying to get at―a cohesive identity, even though there are so many things going on, and conflict. That's part of what makes us strong. That's what makes it beautiful." Q. What may be a characteristic feature of beauty discussed in this passage? (a) Diversity (b) Uniformity (c) Universality (d) Sublimity 25. Since the end of World War II, adolescents have been chafing against an ever more impervious, unheeding social system. Their outrage has found expression, with increasing intensity, among the inchoate "juvenile delinquents " of the early postwar years, the Beats of the 1950s, the hipples and poiltical radicals of the 1960s, and the drug and gangland subcultures of more recent years. and now it is expressed by the kids who carry out school shootings and other acts of vicious and inexplicable violence. The questions we must ask ourselves today, therefore, are these: Why are so many children plotting to blow up their worlds and themselves? For each act of gratuitous violence that is actually carried out, how many unconsummated dark fantasies are transmuted into depression, resignation, or a benumbered withdrawal from participation in civic society? Q. What is the tone of the passage? (a) Concerned (b) Sympathetic (c) Cautionary (d) Angry 26. The utter degradation of black experience is central to the problem of poverty and mental retardation. But if the poor black has suffered from the stigma of race, the poor white has suffered from the stigma of not having succeeded in a society which places few racial barriers before him. A white man's failure in America, which preaches upward mobility, is of itself a unique indictment of inferiority. To what else can a white man's poverty be ascribed? Q. How is the poor white viewed according to the passage? (a) As being white and inexperienced (b) As being unable to educate himself (c) As having to compete with poor blacks for the same jobs (d) As not having succeeded despite the lack of racial barriers 27. Gender gaps in education―unlike the more pressing and intractable gaps associated with parental involvement, race and class―have proved to be surprisingly bridgeable, at least when it comes to girls. The remarkable progress of girls in academic achievement and higher education over the last 30 years demonstrates that their delays and difficulties were not inevitable. It is fair to assume that boys have the same potential for catching up. What remains to be seen, however, is whether their plight can motivate adults to agree on a plan of action and finally get it off the ground. Q. Which of the following is correct according to the passage? (a) Girl have been able to overcome shortcomings in educational achievement. (b) Parents have reached a consensus on the issue of boy's education. (c) Gender gaps in education are inevitable. (d) Girls still need strict discipline in higher education. 28. The word downsizing, both an excuse and not a very happy euphemism for firing people, needs a mate: upsizing. The country seems to be in a serious upsizing phase. It may have begun with the naming of the size of cups at Starbuck's. A small cup at Starbuck's is known as a tall, a middle-size cup is a grande, and a large cup is a venti, the Italian word for twenty, which must stand for twenty ounces. Got it? America now being the world's lone superpower, perhaps the word small is no longer permitted to us. At 5'7" and 135 pounds, I have a personal stake in this matter of the disappearance of the word small. I'm not sure which gets lost first, the word or the thing it describes, but I do know that once the word is lost, pretty soon the thing itself departs. Q. How can we best describe the writer's attitude toward the upsizing trend? (a) Nostalgic (b) Amused (c) Admiring (d) Satirical 29. According to Darwin's theory, individual animals best suited to their environments live longer and have more children, and so spread their genes through populations. This produces evolutionary changes. For example, hoofed animals with longer necks could reach the juiciest leaves on tall trees and therefore tended to eat well, live longer, and have more offspring. Eventually, they evolved into giraffes. Those with shorter necks died out. Similar processes led to the evolution of mankind. but this has now stopped because virtually everybody's genes are making it to the next generation, not only those who are best adapted to their environments. In addition, human populations are now being constantly mixed, again producing a blending that blocks evolutionary change. Q. What is the main idea of the passage? (a) Human beings have reached a point of evolutionary stagnation. (b) The Western world has provided protection against disease. (c) The blending of genes will soon produce a uniform population. (d) Evolutionary pressures are still having an influence on humanity. 30. McWhorter explains clearly how and why sounds change, how word meanings change (the word "silly, he notes, started out meaning "blessed," then later meant "innocent," then "deserving of compassion," then "weak," then "ignorant" and finally―so far!―"foolish"), how grammar changes and how they all bifurcate, mix, multiply, grow branches, get elaborated, are dissolved and reconstituted. There are no official "languages," in the linguist's view―just lots and lots of dialects. According to a recent news story, even Klingon, an artificial language created for the "Star Trek" TV series and movies and subsequently embraced by fans, has developed two dialects, one in the United States and one in Germany. Q. What is the best title of the passage? (a) The evolution of languages (b) The effects of globalization on language (c) Standard language and dialects (d) The creation of an artificial language 31. Through his accumulation of detail Lewis painted the most vivid and comprehensive picture we have of the middle-class heartland as it was being fully subsumed by a national economy and a consumer culture―an event that historians now recognize as one of the most far-reaching social transformations in American history. These novels are much less successful as explorations of character and motivation than they are as works of literary sociology, and fiction was perhaps not the most appropriate vehicle with which to impart the world Lewis observed. Fitzgerald, for one, was indisputably a far greater novelist. Even so, Lewis's first wife, Grace, asked and answered an important question: 'Were the 1920s really the Jazz Age except for a few? Most Americans at that time lived more like Sinclair Lewis characters." Q. According to this passage, what is the central merit of Lewis's work? (a) The realistic representation of middle class life (b) The explorations character and psychological motivation (c) The sociological research of a consumer culture (d) The detailed portrayal of American landscapes 32. Costco Travel shall not be responsible for late flight arrivals or departures, or for any illness, death, injury, damage, loss of vacation time or other irregularities arising there from. Costco Travel shall also not be liable for any injuries, damages, or losses caused to any traveler in connection with terrorist activities, local laws, climactic conditions, criminal acts or abnormal conditions or developments, or any other actions, omissions, or conditions outside Costco Travel's control. Travelers assume complete and full responsibility for checking and verifying any and all passport visa, inoculations, or other entry requirements for each destination, and all safety or security conditions at such destinations, in connection with the proposed travel. Q. Which travel terms and conditions does the passage deal with? (a) Revisions and cancelations (b) Refunds (c) Check-in requirements (d) Company liability 33. Many well-intentioned environmental policies can have surprising outcomes: Suppose minute pesticide residues have the potential to cause cancer in a tiny number of cases―one estimate would have it around 20 cases per annum in the United States (not very many in a country where 300 people drown in bathtubs every year). So we ban the pesticides. This in turn would sharply drive up the price of cancer-preventing fruits and vegetables. By reducing consumption, especially among the poor, the pesticide ban in the end would cause more cancer (perhaps 26,000 cases annually) than the pesticides would have caused in the first place. Sometimes the best thing to do about a "problem" is exactly nothing. Q. What can be inferred from the passage? (a) The human races few environmental problems. (b) The environmental movement can bring about negative results. (c) Pesticides are not improving longevity and the quality of life. (d) The quality of life on the planet is radically improving. 34. Going back to what was new in communications, transportation, and entertainment―and continuing through to the personal computer, the Internet, and e-mail―let us see: how people first became aware of what was new and sometimes startling; what they first learned about it; how they reacted; what they liked or didn't like; whether they were bewildered or skeptical; what skills they had to learn (skills often taken for granted today); how fast new technology was assimilated into everyday life. The net effects of all these devices are widespread and various. Q. What will the next paragraph most likely be about? (a) The evolution of core technology in American households (b) The effects of new technology on human life (c) The ways in which human beings overcome to technological deficiencies (d) The development of consumer-operated devices 35. In the midst of a depressed economy, Japan seems to be losing the respect of the world, particularly of the U.S. Lately there has been much meddlesome criticism from Washington about Japanese internal matters. Harsh remakes about Japan, calling it an "economic animal: or "free rider," will persist until this country becomes truly independent and departs from the policy of overemphasis on the economy at the cost of dependence on the U.S. for national security. We should abolish the Japan-U.S. Security Pact and let the American troops go home from all the U.S. bases in Japan. Then Japanese defense forces could use these bases to defend this peace-loving neutral nation with a lightly armed military. Q. According to the writer of this letter, what factor would best help Japan to recover its international status? (a) Economic independence (b) Military independence (c) Political reform (d) Economic reform 36. One reason diets fall is that low-fat foods can lack flavor. So what if you put fat back in the diet? Kathy McManus, a dietitian with Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, did just that. Although experts suggest that Americans get no more than 30% of their calories from fat, McManus put half of the subjects on a 35%-calories-from-fat diet. The rest went on a 20% plan. she asked the higher-fat group to avoid saturated fat and eliminate all trans fat―found in fast food and packaged cookies. Instead, the dieters chose heart-healthy fats like nuts, olive oil and avocados. By the end of the study, the moderate-fat group had lost an average of nine pounds, while the low-fat group had gained an average of six pounds. McManus suspects people found the higher-fat diet easier to stick with because they could choose better-tasting foods, use regular salad dressing and cook vegetables in oil. Q. Which of the following is correct according to the report? (a) All kinds of fat can have a beneficial influence on diet. (b) The higher-fat dieters lost more weight than the low-fat group. (c) Nuts, olive oil and avocados are good sources of saturated fat. (d) Diets fail because of the increase in fat intake. 37. Classified Advertising Policy -The ad decline is 12 noon the day before publication (4.p.m. Fri. for Sun.) including corrections and cancelation. -The Daily is not responsible for more than one incorrect insertion of an ad. Advertisements may be removed from publication but will be billed according to the original number of days ordered. This policy is also applicable to ads requiring pre-payment, i.e. no refunds. -Information regarding the content of classified ads cannot be disclosed prior to publication. Advertisers' names may never be revealed. -The number of lines in the advertisement is determined by total number of words―5 words/line. "Help Wanted" ads cannot discriminate on the basis of sex, color, creed, or national origin to any extent (i.e."preferably" is still discriminatory). -"Found" ads are run free-of-charge to a maximum of 3 lines for 3 days. Q. Which of the following is not included in this advertising policy? (a) The ad deadline (b) The charge rates for advertisement (c) The restriction on the content of advertisements (d) The refund policy 38. Learning to read is one of the most important achievements of young children. (a) Hi, Readers! books are designed to help children who love to read become skilled readers. (b) Beginning readers learn to read by remembering frequently used words such "a," "she," "the" and "I" by using phonics skills to decode new words, and by interpreting text clues and pictures. (c) Treat the math activities as games to be played for fun. (d) These books provide both the stories children like and the structure they need to read independently and frequently. 39. Computers can help you draw pictures, write papers, play games and carry out many other tasks. (a) For example, it would take hours to calculate the 12 times table up to 4,000 times 12. (b) But a computer can do this and produce a neatly printed table in minutes. (c) In the early 1930s, an English mathematician invented a mechanical calculator called the Analytical Engine. (d) Computers also allow you to produce graphics without ever touching a pencil or paper. 40. The Old Testament is a collection of writings about the Hebrews and their special relationship with God. (a) It depicts the major events in their history, from their origins to life in exile and their return to the Promised Land, Canaan. (b) The Festival of the Passover falls on 14th Nisan(March-April) and recalls when God dent a plague, which "passed over" Israelite homes, to kill every first born Egyptian. (c) The Old Testament is the sacred book of the Jewish people. (d) It is also the first half of the Christian Bible.25

Lion expert Dr. Flip Stander changes the battery of a GPS collar he uses to track a rare and elusive lioness in the Namib Desert – and takes the opportunity to inspect her teeth and claws as well. Academy Award-winning actor F. Murray Abraham narrates “The Desert Lions,” premiering on PBS Sunday, January 6 at 8 p.m. (check local listings). Part of the 26th season of “NATURE,” the Peabody and Emmy award-winning series produced by Thirteen/WNET New York for PBS. Major corporate support provided by Canon U.S.A. Inc. and Toyota. For more information, visit http://www.pbs.org/nature

Lion expert Dr. Flip Stander changes the battery of a GPS collar he uses to track a rare and elusive lioness in the Namib Desert – and takes the opportunity to inspect her teeth and claws as well. Academy Award-winning actor F. Murray Abraham narrates “The Desert Lions,” premiering on PBS Sunday, January 6 at 8 p.m. (check local listings). Part of the 26th season of “NATURE,” the Peabody and Emmy award-winning series produced by Thirteen/WNET New York for PBS. Major corporate support provided by Canon U.S.A. Inc. and Toyota. For more information, visit http://www.pbs.org/nature

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens. What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause. What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom. Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. What is a cat's favourite song? Three Blind Mice. What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don't you have a cat? What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement. How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it. Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering. Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because they finally opened their eyes. Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day. What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you. What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit. What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator. What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show! What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple! Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store. What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone. What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator. What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss. If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws. Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd. If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats. Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse. How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion. What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew. What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night. What is a cat's favourite subject in school? HISStory. What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies. How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up. What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?" It's raining cats and dogs. Why are cats such good singers? Because they're very mewsical. What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner? Chain litter. What is the cat's favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping. How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn't empty. Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it. If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window? Because the window is closed. What is a cat's favourite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic." What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws. Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't? Your lap. Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked. What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side. What is a cat's favourite car? The Catillac. What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower. Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury. What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb. Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark! Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.

Get the ringtone: http://www.ringtonegal.com/Beowulf/Grendel-Screams-/ Full Song Lyrics: 1) heorot's plea and grendel's awakening. Midnight suns bid moors farewell, retreats from charging dusk, Mountain echo, curfews bell, signal ending tasks They place their faith in oaken doors, cower in candlelight The panic seeps through bloodstained floors as grendel stalks the night Earth rim walker seeks his meals Prepare the funeral pyres The shaper's song no longer heal the fear Within their eyes, [their eyes] Wooden figures, pagan gods, stare blindly cross the sea Appeal for help from ocean fogs, for saviour born of dreams They know their lives are forfeit now, priestly head they bow in shame They cannot face the trembling crowd that flinch in grendel's name Earth rim walker seeks his meals Prepare the funeral pyres The shaper's song no longer heal the fear Within their eyes, (their eyes) As grendel leaves his mossy home beneath the stagnant mere Along the forest path he roams to hrothgar's hall so clear He knows that victory is secured, his charm will testify His claws will drip with mortal blood as moonbeams haunt the sky As grendel leaves his mossy home beneath the stagnant mere Along the forest path he roams to hrothgar's hall so clear He knows that victory is secured, his charm will testify His claws will drip with mortal blood, as moonbeams haunt the sky Earth rim walker seeks his meals Prepare the funeral pyres The shaper's song no longer heal the fear Within their eyes, (their eyes) 2) grendel's journey. Silken membranes span his path, fingerprints in dew Denizens of twilight lands humbly beg him through Mother nature's bastard child shunned by leaf and stream [Grendel ringtone available at http://www.ringtonegal.com/Beowulf/Grendel-Screams-/ ] As alien in an alien land seeks solace within dreams The shaper's lies his poisoned tongue malign with mocking harp Beguiling queen her innocence offends his icy heart 3) lurker at the threshold. Hounds freeze in silence bewitched by the reptile spell Sulphurous essence pervades round the grassy dell Heorot awaits him like lamb to the butcher's knife Stellular heavens ignore even children's cries Screams are his music, lightning his guide Raping the darkness, d-d-death by his side Chants rise in terror, free round the oaken beams Flickering firelight portraying the grisly scene Warriors advance, prepare for the nightmare foe Futile their sacrifice as even their hearts must know Heroes delusion, with feet in the grave Lurker at the threshold, he cares not for the brave, he cares not for the brave 4) finale. So you thought that your bolts and your locks would keep me out? You should have known better after all this time You're gonna pay in blood for all your vicious slander With your ugly pale skins and your putrid blue eyes Why should I feel pity when you kill your own and feel no shame God's on my side, sure as hell, I'm gonna take no blame I'm gonna take no blame, I'm gonna take no blame So you say you believe in all of mother nature's laws You lust for gold with your sharpened knives Oh when your hoards are gathered and your enemies left to rot You pray with your bloodstained hands at the feet of our pagan gods Then you try to place the killer's blade in my hand You call for justice and distort the truth Well I've had enough of all your pretty pretty speeches Receive your punishment, expose your throats to my righteous claws And let the blood flow, and let the blood flow, flow, flow, flow.

British special interests backed by the ECB's arrogant Trichet, have declared war upon the U.S. economy through tricking the foolish President of the U.S.A., his foolish Speaker of the House, and the foolish Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, into cheapening the U.S. dollar, while Trichet et. al. brag about tricking the U.S. dollar into ruining itself. Were the U.S.A. to adopt my recommended policy for defense of the value of the U.S. dollar, speculators betting on Trichet's slyness, could be dumped into a taste of their own bankruptcy, an experience which would tend to promote better behavior from them in future weeks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The U.S. must dump the recent, foolish, pro-hyper-inflationary policies of Federal Reserve Chairman Ben "Helicopter money" Bernanke, for a two-tier U.S. Treasury policy of uttering currency on capital account. The general price of monetary emission by the U.S. Treasury (i.e., by the Treasury, or Federal Reserve System) must be a two-tier policy: a.) One price for the open market, at a significant number of points higher than the ECB, and b.) a special, protected price for long-term to medium-term credit uttered for the benefit of protected prime categories such as household mortgages enjoying Federal bankruptcy protection, and b.) regular (Federally or state-chartered) banks. The latter category should be priced as loans at between 1% and 2% per annum. The purpose is not to injure our European neighbors' governments and financial authorities, especially multi-national agencies, but to encourage them to return to recognizing the benefits of civilized modes of cooperative behavior consistent with that 1648 Peace of Westphalia which governs all among the actually civilized nations of Europe. This correction of the ignorant behavior of the present U.S. President and Chairman of the Federal Reserve, is an indispensable, included feature of any competent defense of the U.S. and its people from the currently onrushing, hyper- inflationary breakdown-crisis now gripping the trans- Atlantic community as a whole. Without the specific measures which I have stipulated here, the U.S.A. would soon be bankrupted, and our people ruined, by the foolish policies recently adopted by both Mr. Bernanke and by the U.S. President and the foolish Speaker of the House. European speculators beware, the U.S. tiger is wounded, but still has claws and teeth. Continue the stunt which some in Europe are attempting against the U.S.A., and many much-too-greedy European speculators will wake up soon, much poorer, but a little wiser, in the morning. Were I President, I would guarantee such effects by morning; Americans who do not support my policy will suffer suddenly and badly enough that they will be "quicker on the draw" on the next weekend this problem might come up again.

British special interests backed by the ECB's arrogant Trichet, have declared war upon the U.S. economy through tricking the foolish President of the U.S.A., his foolish Speaker of the House, and the foolish Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, into cheapening the U.S. dollar, while Trichet et. al. brag about tricking the U.S. dollar into ruining itself. Were the U.S.A. to adopt my recommended policy for defense of the value of the U.S. dollar, speculators betting on Trichet's slyness, could be dumped into a taste of their own bankruptcy, an experience which would tend to promote better behavior from them in future weeks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The U.S. must dump the recent, foolish, pro-hyper-inflationary policies of Federal Reserve Chairman Ben "Helicopter money" Bernanke, for a two-tier U.S. Treasury policy of uttering currency on capital account. The general price of monetary emission by the U.S. Treasury (i.e., by the Treasury, or Federal Reserve System) must be a two-tier policy: a.) One price for the open market, at a significant number of points higher than the ECB, and b.) a special, protected price for long-term to medium-term credit uttered for the benefit of protected prime categories such as household mortgages enjoying Federal bankruptcy protection, and b.) regular (Federally or state-chartered) banks. The latter category should be priced as loans at between 1% and 2% per annum. The purpose is not to injure our European neighbors' governments and financial authorities, especially multi-national agencies, but to encourage them to return to recognizing the benefits of civilized modes of cooperative behavior consistent with that 1648 Peace of Westphalia which governs all among the actually civilized nations of Europe. This correction of the ignorant behavior of the present U.S. President and Chairman of the Federal Reserve, is an indispensable, included feature of any competent defense of the U.S. and its people from the currently onrushing, hyper- inflationary breakdown-crisis now gripping the trans- Atlantic community as a whole. Without the specific measures which I have stipulated here, the U.S.A. would soon be bankrupted, and our people ruined, by the foolish policies recently adopted by both Mr. Bernanke and by the U.S. President and the foolish Speaker of the House. European speculators beware, the U.S. tiger is wounded, but still has claws and teeth. Continue the stunt which some in Europe are attempting against the U.S.A., and many much-too-greedy European speculators will wake up soon, much poorer, but a little wiser, in the morning. Were I President, I would guarantee such effects by morning; Americans who do not support my policy will suffer suddenly and badly enough that they will be "quicker on the draw" on the next weekend this problem might come up again.

British special interests backed by the ECB's arrogant Trichet, have declared war upon the U.S. economy through tricking the foolish President of the U.S.A., his foolish Speaker of the House, and the foolish Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, into cheapening the U.S. dollar, while Trichet et. al. brag about tricking the U.S. dollar into ruining itself. Were the U.S.A. to adopt my recommended policy for defense of the value of the U.S. dollar, speculators betting on Trichet's slyness, could be dumped into a taste of their own bankruptcy, an experience which would tend to promote better behavior from them in future weeks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The U.S. must dump the recent, foolish, pro-hyper-inflationary policies of Federal Reserve Chairman Ben "Helicopter money" Bernanke, for a two-tier U.S. Treasury policy of uttering currency on capital account. The general price of monetary emission by the U.S. Treasury (i.e., by the Treasury, or Federal Reserve System) must be a two-tier policy: a.) One price for the open market, at a significant number of points higher than the ECB, and b.) a special, protected price for long-term to medium-term credit uttered for the benefit of protected prime categories such as household mortgages enjoying Federal bankruptcy protection, and b.) regular (Federally or state-chartered) banks. The latter category should be priced as loans at between 1% and 2% per annum. The purpose is not to injure our European neighbors' governments and financial authorities, especially multi-national agencies, but to encourage them to return to recognizing the benefits of civilized modes of cooperative behavior consistent with that 1648 Peace of Westphalia which governs all among the actually civilized nations of Europe. This correction of the ignorant behavior of the present U.S. President and Chairman of the Federal Reserve, is an indispensable, included feature of any competent defense of the U.S. and its people from the currently onrushing, hyper- inflationary breakdown-crisis now gripping the trans- Atlantic community as a whole. Without the specific measures which I have stipulated here, the U.S.A. would soon be bankrupted, and our people ruined, by the foolish policies recently adopted by both Mr. Bernanke and by the U.S. President and the foolish Speaker of the House. European speculators beware, the U.S. tiger is wounded, but still has claws and teeth. Continue the stunt which some in Europe are attempting against the U.S.A., and many much-too-greedy European speculators will wake up soon, much poorer, but a little wiser, in the morning. Were I President, I would guarantee such effects by morning; Americans who do not support my policy will suffer suddenly and badly enough that they will be "quicker on the draw" on the next weekend this problem might come up again.

British special interests backed by the ECB's arrogant Trichet, have declared war upon the U.S. economy through tricking the foolish President of the U.S.A., his foolish Speaker of the House, and the foolish Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, into cheapening the U.S. dollar, while Trichet et. al. brag about tricking the U.S. dollar into ruining itself. Were the U.S.A. to adopt my recommended policy for defense of the value of the U.S. dollar, speculators betting on Trichet's slyness, could be dumped into a taste of their own bankruptcy, an experience which would tend to promote better behavior from them in future weeks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- The U.S. must dump the recent, foolish, pro-hyper-inflationary policies of Federal Reserve Chairman Ben "Helicopter money" Bernanke, for a two-tier U.S. Treasury policy of uttering currency on capital account. The general price of monetary emission by the U.S. Treasury (i.e., by the Treasury, or Federal Reserve System) must be a two-tier policy: a.) One price for the open market, at a significant number of points higher than the ECB, and b.) a special, protected price for long-term to medium-term credit uttered for the benefit of protected prime categories such as household mortgages enjoying Federal bankruptcy protection, and b.) regular (Federally or state-chartered) banks. The latter category should be priced as loans at between 1% and 2% per annum. The purpose is not to injure our European neighbors' governments and financial authorities, especially multi-national agencies, but to encourage them to return to recognizing the benefits of civilized modes of cooperative behavior consistent with that 1648 Peace of Westphalia which governs all among the actually civilized nations of Europe. This correction of the ignorant behavior of the present U.S. President and Chairman of the Federal Reserve, is an indispensable, included feature of any competent defense of the U.S. and its people from the currently onrushing, hyper- inflationary breakdown-crisis now gripping the trans- Atlantic community as a whole. Without the specific measures which I have stipulated here, the U.S.A. would soon be bankrupted, and our people ruined, by the foolish policies recently adopted by both Mr. Bernanke and by the U.S. President and the foolish Speaker of the House. European speculators beware, the U.S. tiger is wounded, but still has claws and teeth. Continue the stunt which some in Europe are attempting against the U.S.A., and many much-too-greedy European speculators will wake up soon, much poorer, but a little wiser, in the morning. Were I President, I would guarantee such effects by morning; Americans who do not support my policy will suffer suddenly and badly enough that they will be "quicker on the draw" on the next weekend this problem might come up again.